Five Tips: Dating a Creative
Okay, so you swiped right. You hit it off, and you find out they're a musician/artist/filmmaker/producer/shoe designer/etc etc. You're already falling, and their creativity was actually one of the things that made you catch them feelings. But sometimes it is annoying the little quirks they have.. how do you deal with them? Well, here are five tips that might sprout some insight for ya.
- Give them space and alone time when they need it. A lot of creatives have an intimate relationship with their craft, whether it's music, visual art, or writing. They create best when they are spending that quality time with it. No matter how much they love you and want to spend time with you, their art is important to them and takes up their time. And if you want to be with them and support them creatively, you must understand this. Obviously, boundaries should me made between you and your partner to manage how much time is too much time. There should be a balance (like with most things).
- Be patient with their creative process - sometimes ideas spur at weird times of the day/night or mid-conversation. It's not like people plan for their big ideas to hit them when they're in the shower or staying up 'till 3 am. Try to be as understanding as you can when they need to entertain a creative idea or thought out of the blue. However, if it's like they aren't paying attention to you during an important conversation, call them out and be like: "UM, can you jot that down in your iphone notes or something and get back to me and pay attention to me plz." You can be patient with them and still call them out when they're being straight up rude.
- Encouragement is key. Whether you think so or not, your opinions matter to your partner. Assuming y'all are in a committed and loving relationship, they definitely care - even if they don't always show it or ask you what you think. So, even if deep down you don't like something they created, just support the fact that they are actively creating. You don't have to be their creative director or critic every single time they ask longingly ".. so what do you think?" Let's be real. Not everything an artist makes is a masterpiece, and that's fine! Sometimes people create in order to process emotions (like me!), and that is not always pleasant to the eyes/ears/other senses.
- Don't let their creativity give them a pass for not having their shit together (i.e. paying bills, hygiene, being narcissistic, etc). To have a healthy relationship, you both need to feel like your needs are being met. If you are letting your partner get away with too much, it will eventually hurt the relationship. So, make sure you are good too! This goes for all of the previous tips: you do don't always have to be their muse/groupie/critic/cheerleader. Their art should not be what the relationship revolves around. Which gets us to the next tip (last but not least)...
- Be mindful of what you do during your quality times together. When going out on dates or staying in and chillin, you don't always have to do what their creative medium is. For example, if they're a film maker you don't always have to be watching movies or going to film festivals (unless you both really really want to and booked tickets months ago). You are allowed to take breaks from the art and do other activities with your significant other. Go to the park, check out a restaurant you haven't tried, go dancing!
I'm hoping these little tidbits helped anyone who's starting to date or already developed a full-blown relationship with a creative. (P.S. it's double the fun when both of you are creatives #sigh #butworthit).
stay minty !
* header photo by Khara Woods *header graphic by me